i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
