she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
