Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
