you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
