I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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