Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
