Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
