Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
