I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
