Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
