Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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