Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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