hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
