Nicole vs. Life
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
