he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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