Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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