I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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