i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
