Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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