I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
