you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
