no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You made out with two different species that night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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