grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
