she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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