still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
