Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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