I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
