My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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