That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
