I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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