Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
