Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
