im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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