If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
