I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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