I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
