that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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