I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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