afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
