just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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