nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just high enough for therapy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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