O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
