Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
