Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
