i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
did you just send me my own nude
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
