The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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