dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
