I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
