btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
