I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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