he shaved USA in his pubs
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Randomize
