and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
